In the memory of a friend loved by many - RIP Jeffrey Loh (1981 - 2004)
"Timmy, it's all right to cry."
I'd held it off all day, but the moment the coffin slid through the cremation chamber brought the biggest lump yet to my throat. It felt like I could have choked. But still I refused to cry. The arm around me grew tighter as I turned my face into the folds of my own coat. Under the other side, my mate James sobbed uncontrollably with huge heaves that shook his whole body.
"Timmy, don't hold it all in"
But I was going to hold it all in. All of it. I'd held it in for weeks, even though it had tried to escape many times. On the way to the crematorium it had threatened to break right through my chest, but I'd crossed my arms over my ribs to keep it imprisoned. He is one of my close mates in school, and whatever it was I was holding in, I wanted to keep it there. For myself I was frightened if I did as my other mates told me and let it out, it would be gone. Forever. So I kept it in.
I came to a sad realization, I didn't actually cry for anything either, but I was surprise by how similar some of the feelings were. Somehow, I didn't want what I had of him inside to disappear either. We'd hang out, we play arcade together, we chill, we went separate ways to study, but somehow down the days, we'd connected. I promised him that we would meet up soon but it didn't happen because I had been busy. I blame myself. What was it about my own ambition that I found so difficult to fulfill such a simple promises? Perhaps our early years as friends, gaming, laughing and loving the music, meant he understood me better than I thought he did. It was a shock, but I missed him terribly. In some ways I'd started to think of him as the brother I never had. And why could I only admit that now? Why couldn't I talk to him about it while he was still around? And maybe there was even more to it than that.
Well it serves a timely reminder that we should always cherish and treasure our friends, our parents and our loves ones every single day of our lives. You don't want to feel regret after they're gone. You never know what you have until it's gone.
"Timmy, it's all right to cry."
I'd held it off all day, but the moment the coffin slid through the cremation chamber brought the biggest lump yet to my throat. It felt like I could have choked. But still I refused to cry. The arm around me grew tighter as I turned my face into the folds of my own coat. Under the other side, my mate James sobbed uncontrollably with huge heaves that shook his whole body.
"Timmy, don't hold it all in"
But I was going to hold it all in. All of it. I'd held it in for weeks, even though it had tried to escape many times. On the way to the crematorium it had threatened to break right through my chest, but I'd crossed my arms over my ribs to keep it imprisoned. He is one of my close mates in school, and whatever it was I was holding in, I wanted to keep it there. For myself I was frightened if I did as my other mates told me and let it out, it would be gone. Forever. So I kept it in.
I came to a sad realization, I didn't actually cry for anything either, but I was surprise by how similar some of the feelings were. Somehow, I didn't want what I had of him inside to disappear either. We'd hang out, we play arcade together, we chill, we went separate ways to study, but somehow down the days, we'd connected. I promised him that we would meet up soon but it didn't happen because I had been busy. I blame myself. What was it about my own ambition that I found so difficult to fulfill such a simple promises? Perhaps our early years as friends, gaming, laughing and loving the music, meant he understood me better than I thought he did. It was a shock, but I missed him terribly. In some ways I'd started to think of him as the brother I never had. And why could I only admit that now? Why couldn't I talk to him about it while he was still around? And maybe there was even more to it than that.
Well it serves a timely reminder that we should always cherish and treasure our friends, our parents and our loves ones every single day of our lives. You don't want to feel regret after they're gone. You never know what you have until it's gone.
So wolverine.. isn't it time to meet up for a cuppa coffee? -signed 2nd Spidey in tribute to the real Spidey RIP
ReplyDeleteSure bro =) Anytime for you.Give me a call!
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